So I have a question for you.
If you had the opportunity to cut your outgoings by at least 50% and your income stays the same, but it would mean up heaving your family and moving to another part of the U.K. would you do it?
First published on 8 November 2015
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This is the question we’ve been asking ourselves over the last couple of weeks and also on Facebook where the responses came in thick and fast.
Instead of just having the conversation between ourselves, and on social media, we’ve decided to blog about it. I’m going to give you my feelings on the matter and then Skint Mum will give hers.
We wrote our views separately and brought them together in this post.
We want to be united in our decision and after reading them back, I think it’s clear that we share similar opinions on some things – it’s just the way our minds work that we seemed to have reached different outcomes.
Hopefully after reading both opinions you can add your comments and help us make this life changing decision.
Skint Dad’s Point of View
Straight away without thinking about it twice my answer is yes, yes, and yes again. We’re currently in a situation where for the last two years we’ve been trying to clear consumer debt of around £41k. It’s not been easy but as of today we have around £18k left until we are debt free. With the way it’s going it will probably take us another 18 – 24 months to be completely clear.
On top of clearing this debt we also have to pay the bills. We live in Tunbridge Wells and it’s not cheap. Why Tunbridge Wells I hear you ask? Well we were both born here and apart from a few years in Southampton, it’s where we’ve always called home.
Problem is, with Tunbridge Wells being such an affluent area and being just 45 minutes from London Bridge, prices are rising and rising both in the rental and property market and living here is not a financially savvy thing to do; well I think it isn’t.
So for me, having the opportunity to move somewhere that our outgoings will be cut in half absolutely makes sense but like everything it isn’t as straightforward as that.
First up I said that income would remain the same and perhaps this isn’t entirely true. The situation at present is that my work with the site and my freelance writing means that I am location independent. I just need a laptop and internet connection.
Naomi on the other hand works full time in HR so she would have to leave her job and find another one. That said, if we found somewhere cheap enough then my income would easily cover all the bills and Naomi could work on the site full time with me. This would be rapid growth for the business and ultimately more income! That is the ultimate goal.
Next up is our children. Chloe hasn’t started proper school yet and because she is so young, I don’t think a move would really affect her too much. Daniella is perhaps slightly different. She is in her last year at primary school so would be starting secondary school in September. She does have friends here and I think it would be hard for her to leave them; I do think she would cope though.
My eldest daughter Beth is an entirely different situation. She lives with her mum not too far away from us and I currently get to see her every other weekend, sometimes more. She has just turned 16 so not really a child but I truly don’t know how she would feel about us moving? I suppose it all depends where we go!
I think because of her age she will probably fly the nest anyway in a couple of year so it won’t be too much of an issue. We’ll both see each other regularly anyway and we talk most days as well.
So that’s close family but what about extended family? Well my parents both died when I was eighteen but I do have brothers and sisters who live nearby that we see a few times a month.
And although it is nice to have family near, and we are quite close, I still think moving away is the option we should choose. Yes, we would lose that network of people and I would miss them, but we can make close friends, build another network of support. It wouldn’t happen overnight but it would happen.
I would miss them as well but it’s not like we’re immigrating to Australia is it? The joys of social media and FaceTime means they are never more than a few digits away, and we would both visit each other often.
Giving up these things for a better, more financially secure life seems a really simple decision. I know there is all the choices of where would we move to? When would we do it? If Naomi would work or not, what schools would the children go to, but just writing about this makes me excited.
It makes me excited about clearing our debt quickly, building a more secure future, a better quality of life.
I want to start planning today as it really is the best choice for all of us.
Skint Mum’s Point of View
I don’t have an issue with moving as we’ve done it before. After being made redundant (when pretty much everyone was back before 2010) we took an opportunity to move away. Daniella hadn’t started school and we thought we’d have more opportunities in a city, as opposed to a small town. It would be cheaper to live and there were more jobs for us.
We were right. It didn’t take too long until I settled in a job I loved and I did really well at. I was treated well, offered development and found my way to a small promotion. We were making friends and the city had started to feel like home.
Two and a half years after moving, our family grew and we welcome Chloe into our lives. We loved our little family uncontrollably but we could count the amount of family we saw while we were there on one hand. Something was missing.
I didn’t have a huge amount of family around when I was younger; it was pretty much just immediate family. On both parent’s side, family lived at different ends of the country and even abroad. Visits, get-togethers and drops in were few and far between.
I didn’t have a bad childhood – don’t get me wrong – but when I had a family of my own, family became very important.
When Chloe was just around six months old, we made the decision and moved back to our home town where we were born. We moved back to be nearer to family, so we could reach out and have support if needed and so the children could they grew up with aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents around.
We knew we were moving back to somewhere that was more expensive but it was the family that drew us back.
From a work point of view, I am the main bread winner and have a job that is secure (as any can be in today’s market place). I may grumble now and then but deep down I do like my job and the work I do. I have recently received a promotion and am taking a qualification which is being supported by my employer.
Working in Human Resources I certainly know that job is not for life but having been there just over three years I still feel that I have a lot to do and accomplish. I don’t want to leave my job and risk not being able to find another employer who will be flexible and understanding when I ask for random days off when Skint Dad has an event.
Tunbridge Wells was where I was born. I feel at home here. I feel comfortable here. On the other hand, the lovely surrounding come at a price and we struggle to keep up with the over inflated private rental market vs the amount of money a job can bring home.
I understand that we would cut rent in half and income from one end of the country to the other doesn’t change too much. We would be far better off, could be clear of our debt in next to no time and have a clear chance of actually buying a house.
If we did ever get a chance to buy a house in our home town it would probably be a small miracle. House prices for a three bed start at around £250,000 but you don’t get a lot. We would be stuck there, probably not being able to afford to move again, and realistically it would take us years to save up anywhere near the deposit we’d need so by that time the house prices would have risen more!
Property prices elsewhere are much more attractive. Looking on some of the best UK property websites, houses are a snip of the price and the thought about getting on the property ladder isn’t so much a pipe dream. It could truly be a reality. Especially when looking at the cheapest places to live in the UK.
No matter how I know things will pan out financially, my thoughts come back to our family network.
There is a running joke in our families that Skint Dad and I will get pregnant again. However that’s not the joke itself. Everyone thinks it’s funny that we’ll get pregnant with triplet girls – to match the three girls we already have.
And what then? If it would happen how would we manage with a new born? Would we want to have family near us again? Would the girls miss the immediateness of having family not too far from our door step?
Although maybe trivial, from another way of thinking, shopping can be expensive. Most of the shops around here are quite boutiquey. They are lovely to browse around and umm and arrr over the products but I can’t afford any of it. Looking in shop windows just reminds me of the money we don’t have.
Our town doesn’t have a Lidl (the next town over does and I visit regularly), we don’t have a Aldi anywhere nearby, we don’t have a Primark and we only got a Poundland a few weeks back! A chunk of the residents are rich and that’s who the council and retailers cater for.
So from my point of view, I feel that I am more averse to leaving. Having moved all our stuff hundreds of miles down a motorway before and watch it all come back a few years later, I feel that history may repeat itself and is it worth the effort?
I know we would be better off financially but I think the loss of family being so near to us is a cost I don’t necessarily want to face.
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So there you have it, what do you think? It would be great if you could answer the poll below and then leave a comment with your personal opinion on the matter.
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Lorretta Mason says
I live over 150 miles from my family, my husband’s family live down the road but we never see them. My husband has had health problems recently and I am the main wage earner but we have no one to help us out with childcare etc if we need it (I am getting up at 6 am tomorrow and taking the children with me to drop hubby at hospital for 7.30, to then drive 20 miles back and drop the kids at school). We have considered moving closer to my family but we live in Lincolnshire and they live in Bedfordshire, moving south is just too expensive. Consider what you will be giving up and whether you will be able to afford to move back if it doesn’t work out. I also have an 11 year old son who sees his dad every weekend, he only lives 10 miles away from us so I also have to consider the effect that this will have on his relationship with his dad as well. I really understand how hard it is for you. Hope you find a solution that you are both happy with x
furbysmum says
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that your friends and relatives will stay where they are. I have known a number of friends who have moved to be near their children who have then moved away,sometimes abroad ,leaving them stranded in their new environment. One friend and her husband actually moved twice,following her son,who then went first to live in Singapore ,then onto Holland,leaving her alone,widowed after only one year in the second new town.
On a personal level,I gave up my idea of moving from Outer London 5 or 6 years ago as I thought my partner now in his 60s,would be unhappy leaving his sister who lives nearby and his brother who lives about 20 miles away.A few weeks ago we learned that his sister hopes to move to the Cotswolds by December and his retired brother is hoping to relocate to Suffolk next year, as soon as his two sons move out – one to Manchester,the other is going wherever he gets a job. My partner is very fond of his three nieces. One has been living in Gloucestershire for some years. One living nearby with his sister moved to Wales only a few months ago.Only one now lives fairly locally. So basically all his family is suddenly on the move,going quite a long way away. I am very sad for him,especially since I am older and will not be around for as long as he needs ,but there you go.You have to remember that you cannot control the status quo.Family and friends will not necessarily stay where they are,near to you, because you love them,need them,want to be close to them etc., but will follow their own personal agendas and that of those who are closest to them.
Wendy Tolhurst says
I grew up in a small village, Holtye, which is about 10 miles from Tunbridge Wells. My husband and I now live in Pembury. Growing up, I was the youngest of three but my mum was disabled with MS. My sister emigrated to Canada when she was 18 and my brother lived locally. I visited my sister a few times and often thought about moving there myself, but felt I couldn’t do it whilst my mum was alive. My mum died when I was expecting my third child. I had the support of my family emotionally with all my children, but my parents were not able to practically help. My in-laws weren’t particularly involved, even though they live in Tunbridge Wells. Again, when we next visited Canada, my husband and I thought about whether to apply to emigrate – but I didn’t want to leave my step-father alone and, although I could be close to my sister and her family, I would be far away from my brother, who I was equally close too. In 2006, just after the birth of my fourth child, my step-father visited my sister in Canada and died during the trip. Things were emotional and we managed and then a couple of years later we visited Canada again. Finally, much as though there were many positives about living there (property was at least half the price it was in Tunbridge Wells), I had no real reason not to go. However, I realised that my sister and I , though close, were are very different stages in our lives and I would probably not see her that regularly. But, and this was the real decision-maker for me – three of our four children were at school and we had our own network of friends, many of which were made through meeting at school/after school clubs etc. These friends had become my family and, although we could potentially have a better standard of living in Canada, we would not have our friends, who were so important to my husband and I and to our children. We go to church in Tunbridge Wells and, during tough times, the support we get from our friends there is amazing, and I couldn’t live without their love and support. Whilst if we moved, we could find a new church and make new friends, having children that are now settled at schools, or even have left school, it isn’t quite so easy to make friends. As an addendum, my brother met someone and moved to Hereford a couple of years after my mum died. He was happy and we spoke regularly, although only actually saw each other a couple of times a year. I missed seeing him but knew where he was if I needed him. In March/April this year, he suddenly split with his partner after 11 years. He came back to Tunbridge Wells at a time of great need – he still had a great friend here whom he had lodged with before and whom he stayed with when he visited us but, more importantly, he had never really settled in Hereford – the friends he made were mainly friends of his partner; he worked during the day and spent the evening and weekend with her, so didn’t have time to make new friends, plus he was happy as things were. When they split, he felt as though he had nothing and came home to Tunbridge Wells as at least we were close by, he had the support of a friend and I have been able to help him in his most desperate times. I dread to think what would have happened if I hadn’t been here for him.
Tracey Ashburn says
I can see both sides of the coin. Would commuting to your job be out of the question if you could find a home somewhere cheaper. Family are never far away when you are close and meeting up is more special then. I have no family nearby I’m in Essex my sister is in Scotland. I think you need to look at the benefits of moving to a new area like quality of life, debt clearing quicker. Children adapt quickly and even starting senior school not all children are going with friends they make new ones when they start. Maybe check out some areas by going to them rather than just online. They can be totally different. I was once a military wife so moving about and leaving friends and family was hard but you adapt and your circle of friends expands. I would say think of all the positives to see if they out weigh the negatives. But in the end the decision is yours alone.
Jade Bremner says
I was born in Berkshire then I had to move around a lot as my mum married my step dad who was in the forces, I changed schools every year from being 10 to 14 I did ok I made lots of friends which I still keep in contact with now so for your children I think it might be hard at first but they will settle and make new friends. I left home at 16 and moved to Germany for a few years then I moved and lived in Tidworth in Hampshire I left my ex and became homeless and I only had a few friends and family in Berkshire who I could stay with. Finding a job was ridiculously hard and the money didn’t cover any form of rent that I needed to pay out so I made the decision to move up north (where my mum and dad now live) it was awful I felt like I was leaving my family and friends all over again, but I knew it was cheaper I pay £435 a month for a two bedroom house in the city of Wakefield it’s not the best in the world but at the time I needed somewhere and now me my boyfriend and our son lived comfortably. The job prospects up here don’t seem to good at first but after 4 years being up here and doing the jobs no one wants I finally have a job I love, my partner also has a great job in Leeds. I’m not sure where exactly you would like to move to but if it means you and your family can clear your debt quicker and live a more comfortable life then I say go for it, plus visiting ‘home’ is great you don’t miss it as much as you think you will and you appreciate your home town that little bit more.
Smeeinnit says
If I were in the same position I’d move without question. With the progress of technology “seeing” your family is so much easier, and when you do see each other face to face it makes it a whole lot more special in my opinon. We both come from London and have lived for many years in a quiet (and cheap!) part of East Anglia, we love to visit London a few times a year, but couldn’t live there again, its just too busy and noisy. Now we are in the country I have no desire to move anywhere else. Family are spread out all over, some abroad, some 35 miles away, with plenty more dotted all over the UK. I am sure your children will miss their friends, however they do adapt quickly. Best of luck whatever you decide to do :)
Sara @ debtcamel says
I would move. This is the perfect timing from the point of view of your younger daughters’ schools. The chance to clear your debts fast and later buy a home? Few people have a job that doesn’t matter where they live but you do – go for it! Your life will be different, but I doubt whether you will regret it!
If you are really doubtful, then Naomi could job hunt and you move wherever she find a job that is well out of the south east…
karlie0611 says
I can see both sides of the coin but I would move if I had a choice. It would ease the burden of cash and family won’t be that far away. I think it would be a fantastic opportunity for your family and I wish you all the best with whatever you decide. Good luck!!
Linda says
We made a move from Kent, to Warwicksire in 2019, due to my husband’s job. Fast forward to 2022, I am longing to move back towards Kent to be nearer family and friends who are all based back in Kent.My husband is not so keen but we have agreed that when he retires we can move back which will be in about 6 yrs time. At times it has been quite lonely and I miss the coffees and chat’s that I had with my sister in law, yes I phone and video chat with family, but it is not the same. Yes I have made new friends where I live but it is a different kind of friendship and being an adult without young children and COVID has been harder to make. Thank god for my little dog which is how I have met most of my new friends. I think you have to be a certain type of person to relocate and both partners want to want the same things.